The Mourning And the Deafening Silence
I used to crave the quiet.
I would dream and wish for a moment all to myself in peaceful tranquility. No noise. No people.
Now the quiet is my torment.
I wish you were here
He’s knocking again. Ten o’clock, eleven, one in the morning, two, three, four. He knocks at all hours randomly, waking me from my sleep. I thought I was dreaming at first.
Would you really see me?
I wish you were here. I wish I could feel your arms around me when I’m desperate for a hug. I think about that hug on the hardest days. The days I come home and I have no one to share with, no one to comfort me, no one to help. No one.
Gentle Strength
In my opinion, strength comes in various colors and shades. Strength can be quiet and delicate or roaring and raging. Just depends on the context, the subtext and on the person. Strength isn’t a lack of emotion. I think the strongest people have the most depth, feel the most, are the most sensitive. It’s their self control and mastery of their emotions and their willingness to show compassion and kindness or to keep silent and un-reactive that speaks volumes of their strength.
Rebuild Yourself Before You Date
Dating advice often focuses on finding the right person. This reflection asks a different question…
The Version of You Built For This
When life falls apart, strength does not always look like pushing forward. Sometimes it looks like stillness, reflection, and learning to imagine a different future before you know how to reach it. This piece is about burnout, survival, and the quiet beginning of reinvention.
Rest is Not Quitting and it’s Not Failure, Either!
It’s ok to feel sad and disappointed. Try to allow yourself to go through it. Part of that is allowing yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling and not suppress, avoid, or diminish how you’re feeling. Sometimes, it’s ok to allow yourself to feel the feelings and feel like crap. I think it’s healthy. It helps you learn how to process and cope. It helps you get from one state to the next.
The fire within: When rage becomes fuel
Here I am sharing my journey. Trying to document the moments I feel strong to help guide me through the moments when I feel weak and hoping to help others too; and here I am, telling you that the thing that drives me is none other than a searing, intense, unfathomable rage.
High-Value? A Flawed Concept…
Why are we talking about people like they’re products? High-value this, high-value that.
Everyone’s Selling Something…
I can almost remember the exact moment I realized that grown-ups didn’t have all the answers. It hit me like a punch to the gut. I was about 14 or 15 when I had the epiphany. I had felt it from a much younger age, perhaps more in revolt than in true realization.
Chasing Light in the Storm
Sometimes dreams for me are messages. Things that need further investigation. An alert from my subconscious. Freud thought dreams were a form of repressed wishes, fantasies that we explore in our sleep that we aren’t able to realize in our waking life. An enigma. Some secret or hidden imagery needing dissection and unraveling to explore our true desires. Jung’s view was that dreams are essentially a mechanism that helps bring the various aspects of our conscious and subconscious into union to have a conversation.
Rising From Ash
It's in the solitude that I have found my resolve. That I have faced my fears. That I have made decisions about what I will and will not tolerate. I have suffered many dark nights of the soul. I have “died” so many times. I have broken all my bones and reset them. I have burned to ash and I have risen. Time and again, and I will continue to do so over and over. Because each time I face the new demons that took the place of the ones I have slayed, each time I break my bones, each time I melt away, I burn myself to ash – I am tempered and I am re-born. Each version of me better than the one before; the same and somehow changed forever.
The Winding Path
Healing, in my opinion, is more undular and random in nature and it can regress completely if you’re not careful. I also think it’s more cyclical in nature than linear.
